Happy Birthday, Mom!

Today would be my mom's 60th birthday! Whoa. She only lived to be 57 and I've spent some time today wondering how she would have reacted to turning 60. I have little to compare it with. I was only 1 when she turned 30 and 11 when she turned 40 and don't really remember either birthday. She was very sick when she turned 50 and a birthday just wasn't really a priority. Actually, I don't remember her own birthdays ever being a big priority for her, although she always made a big deal out of everyone else's.

Mostly I'm sad because she's not here for me to ask how she feels about turning 60. I've spent a portion of the day looking at old pictures of her and it always makes me feel better to see how much I resemble her. Right after she died, her friend Sandy told me that whenever I miss her, all I have to do is look in the mirror to see her face.

Here we each are at about 18. I actually think I might be 17 here - but close enough.

This is my favorite picture of my mom. As I was looking at it today, I realized that she was probably about the same age that I am now. Maybe a year or two older. So I made Mike take a picture of me to see if we still look alike.


What do you think?

Anyway - if you have time, please take out a moment and light a candle in memory of my mom. It has been two years today that I started my mom's memorial candle "group," where people could go and light a candle in her memory. Since that time there has never been a moment in which there wasn't at least one candle lit by someone who was thinking of her. That's awesome - and it really means a lot to me. So thanks to everyone who takes a moment to do it.

And to my mom. Give Matt a big hug from me. I love and miss you (both) very much - every day, but especially today. Happy 60th birthday.

Mike's Got Juice Fever

He's juiced me a San Francisco Fog Cutter this morning (that's strawberry-apple to you un-juicers), while he's sporting some fresh o.j. in a travel mug himself.

Back at Square One

I've often said that Tom Petty could write the soundtrack of my life. I was reading Amy's blog tonight when I read this post. The post is about someone Amy knows who recently lost a sibling - a road that I, myself, have also traveled. Thinking about, and feeling empathy for, this unknown woman who lost her sister has had me remembering my own loss and realizing how far I've come since Matt died five years ago.

Yeah - five years. I can't believe it's been five years. He'd be 28 right now. People say that time heals all wounds, but I've said before that I don't believe that's completely true. I believe that some wounds never completely heal and that the most you can hope is that it's "clean" and that it doesn't hurt all the time.

I'm not the same person I was five and a half years ago. Losing Matt and then my mom has redefined who I am as a person and what I hold to be the most important things in life. It has reshaped my sense of my own mortality and the mortality of the people that I love. At 26 I learned the truth about death. I'm dying. So are you. Maybe not today - or tomorrow - but someday. Life's not a guarantee. Oh, people had told me over and over that life was not something to be taken for granted - but I was young and I didn't take them seriously. At 26 I found out that sometimes the people you love get very sick and your love is not enough to keep them alive. You can love them with your whole soul and it won't keep their heart beating. You just have to know that it is a part of a bigger plan and that what is meant to be, will be. And you have to have faith that you will survive and eventually all of the scattered pieces of your life will get put back together...sort of like a puzzle that's missing one piece. You know there's something missing, but the picture's still pretty.

I guess what I'm saying is that I've arrived at this point. This Tom Petty song (Square One) is sort of my anthem. "Square One, my slate is clear/Rest your head on me, my dear/It took a world of trouble/took a world of tears/It took a long time/to get back here." I can finally look back and celebrate the 22 years that I had with Matty on this Earth. I'm thankful.

My Juicing Assistant

You Likea Da Juice, Uh?

Thank you, Potters.

A Story for Charlie

Mike and I took Lyric and Sarah J out to Gulliver's for dinner tonight. It was a little late for Lyric and, while she was not being bad, she was getting a little irritable. Sarah looked at me and said, "Someone's getting a little T-I-R-E-D."

Immediately, Lyric got huffy and loudly stated, "I am NOT tired, Mom!" Looks like we won't be able to spell things out for much longer. She's a quick one.

On Another Note

I understand that heartfelt apologies need to be offered to my big brother, Jeff...or as I like to call him "El Taco Bandito"...what's that?...

...I know this pictures old...he's much cuter this way, I promise. Oh, all right. If you insist...(don't say I didn't warn you!)

Jeff found out about my surgery from reading about it on a blog. I'm not certain whether it was mine or Aunt Linda's. Either way, I'm sorry that no one let him know the 4-1-1 on that. My bad. Well, not really. Mike's bad. I was in charge of consuming as many quantities of morphine as I could get them to inject into my i.v. Mike was in charge of phone calls. Either way - it was a very unfortunate oversight. I promise that Mike shall be punished. I will beat him fiercely about the neck and shoulders, while chastising him on your behalf. :)

Sorry about that, bro.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Sandy kinda beat me to the punch, but please join me in wishing my father a Happy, happy 62nd birthday! YaY! Of course, that always means I'm just a hop, skip and a jump from 32...but I'll worry about that later. :)

Happy birthday, Dad!

Our New Year's Eve

My dad came up to help us ring in the new year! YaY! And here he is at 12:01...ringing...yeah.

But the rest of the family was awake...

...kind of...
...barely.
But we counted down to 2009!

Woo!!!
And there were lots of FIREWORKS!!!

(OOOH!)

(AAAAAAH!!)

Mike kissed me at midnight. Then went to bed at 12:09...dang - we're getting old, aren't we? Well, in our defense - I did just have invasive abdominal surgery about 60 hours ago. (It's been a bit of a long week). Which, by the way, is the reason you will not see a New Year's Eve picture of me. I can't take a real shower yet and I have "Mike washed it in the sink" hair. Yeah. It's a beast. Mike is a really terrific husband, but I'm glad we saved our money on those beauty school classes. It's not one of his skill set.

Happy 2009, everyone!