Dear Mom -
Caleb is here and I wish you could see how big he's gotten.
He was always a good looking kid, but he's really growing out of his teen-age boy awkwardness and showing signs of the man that he'll be. It makes me sad to know that you'll no longer see the results of all the love you showered upon him. It has made him kind. Sweet. Wonderful. People are drawn to him, because he doesn't seem to know any other way to be. You gave him that. In a world full of change and injustice, surrounded by chaos - you brought the light of hope. Something he could reach for when everything was shifting around him. Changing. You were the constant in his life. Now you're gone and I worry that he'll lose his way. His sweet nature. But your influence has survived.
We went to the beach today. I watched him. Playful. Mischievous. Full of life. You would have laughed at his "Polack on the Sea" name for Mike's hypothetical yacht. You would have told that story about how afraid I always was as a child at Lake Geode. And again we'd have heard about how I clung to you and you were afraid that I'd tear your swimsuit. And we'd have laughed, even though we'd heard the story a million times.
I sat in my chair and snapped pictures of him while he played with the exuberance of youth and laughed. I thought of how much you would have enjoyed the day. I don't remember you being much of one for beaches, but somehow the beach, with its seemingly endless horizon and infinite possibility
always makes me think of you.
2 comments:
I will tell you as I tell all parents that are suffering from anxiety as their children venture out on their own--Have confidence in what you have accomplished; what you have passed on; the love you have endlessly, unconditionally given; the spirit that exists inside of each of us. He will be just fine. What he has learned will carry him through. Your Mother is with him always. We all must believe that
Most importantly, let Caleb know that you have confidence in him and in his abilities and his judgements. He will love you even more for that.
I can't help but believe that your mom is able to see Caleb as he grows into a handsome fine man...what a lovely letter, Cindi...
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